Sex with a Stranger?

This may be one of the hardest concepts for people outside of the world of Consensual Transactional Sex (CST) to understand:

How do you have sex with complete strangers?

And I get that. Sex is one of, maybe the most intimate of human interactions. That kind of intimacy usually involves getting to know one another for a while beforehand. But in the world of CTS, we generally decide to have sex BEFORE we even meet each other. That is an idea that is pretty much foreign to most people. So how do we do it?

I can’t answer for anyone else, especially the ladies, but I can answer for myself.

It is a very surreal experience, being sexually intimate with a stranger. You meet, and within minutes you are doing things that most people reserve for marriage (or at least a “serious” relationships). And yet, when this is part of your life, it feels very normal. Much like anything else in life, you adapt to it if you choose this lifestyle.

Admittedly, the first encounters are often very awkward in this lifestyle. My first time took me by surprise. I must have looked like the proverbial deer-in-the-headlights during the encounter. She controlled the entire flow of the sex. And to be honest, compared to the many ladies I have been with since, she ranks fairly low. But it was a learning experience.

I’ve been active (on and off) for the last 19 years. That is a lot of women. A lot of encounters. And the overwhelming majority of them were just one time meetings. I’ve only had a handful of ladies who I’ve been with multiple times. So having sex with a stranger is much more common to me than being with someone I know.

These days I schedule a meeting mostly via text message. I don’t even know her voice until we meet. But I’m used to that. I’m very comfortable with the big hug we share upon meeting. With the small talk. A few “get to know you” questions. Usually a question or two about sexual preferences. And things start. Sex with a stranger.

Why is it easy for me, you might ask. Simple answer: the women I meet know what they are doing. They know how to put a man at ease. They know how to make a man feel sexy, desirable. They know how to interpret desires and turn it into action.

In some ways it is much like dancing with a new partner.

Let’s say you know how to waltz. You danced many a waltz. Then you have to dance with someone you’ve never met before. But they also know how to waltz. So, you dance. You go with the flow of the music. You both know the steps. Sure, you may not be able to perform some sort of spectacular dance like in the movies, but you can dance a good waltz. It doesn’t matter that you just met, because you both know what you are trying to do.

Sex with a stranger is much the same. At least for me. I know what I’m doing. She knows what she is doing. We just have to find the rhythm together and it will be good.

Yes, it is is odd to be looking into the face of a stranger during sex. But it is also an adventure. Because each time is different. There is always something new to see and feel. Married people can apply the concept of “practice makes perfect’ to sex (though I think most couples don’t), but with strangers you are having new adventures. Both can be great things. I would love to have both in my life. That one partner who I know so well that we can achieve “perfect” sex together. But also the adventure of new sights, sounds, and feelings that comes from CTS.

Sex with strangers is odd. It is generally socially unacceptable. It is also a lot of fun. It may go against social, cultural, and religious norms, but for some of us it normal. It’s the way we live.



  1. Another good read 🙂

    I think the negative stranger sex mentality will die down a bit with future generations. Sexuality is literally everywhere today. Especially the media. Seeing it constantly can cause people to become desensitized to it. Apps such as Tinder is widely used today, and it’s notorious for casual sex encounters. Sex, sex, sex being displayed everyday figuratively & literally could possibly make it seem ‘normal’ in the future.

    • The idea of “casual sex” has certainly become more normalized in American society. Will that translate into the world of COnsensual Transactional Sex? Only time will tell. I do hope for a future of decriminalization.

  2. I think decriminalization of CTS will make it start to be seen as ‘normal’. When something is illegal, it’s also seen as immoral by the majority, unfortunately.

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