Surprises in CTS (part 2): Someone Who Listens

“Sometimes when I’m with clients, the stories they share catches me in silence. A story of hardship/and or moment that I relate to in some way, silence and being held seems to be the only thing that comforts us. Sometimes I wish, it didn’t happen to them.”—“Sarah” from Australia

Among the many surprises that a person might find in Consensual Transactional Sex, is that people will listen to your problems.

Sex workers can be like therapists. Many of them understand that their clients often live very stressful lives and need someone to talk to about their problems. Someone they can be totally honest with. Someone who will actually listen. And a sex worker can be this person.

Our day-to-day lives are often very connected. The whole world has become far more connected than ever before thanks to the Internet. Social media has led to our friends, coworkers, family members, and others all be connected to one another. Expressing yourself to one person leads to everybody in your life knowing about it. But the CTS community exists outside of the regular, “normal”, world. We can talk, be open, be honest, and not have to worry about everyone finding out what is going on.

The best sex workers are great listeners. They allow their clients the freedom to speak, to express themselves. Sometimes through sex, and sometimes through just talking. This is especially true when they meet on a regular basis. A client can open up and be himself with a lady. He can tell her his desires, his fears, his worries, and share his joys.

But unlike with a spouse, a friend, or a family member, the sex worker doesn’t try to change her client. She doesn’t try to “fix” him or turn him into what she wants. She lets her client just express himself and be himself. She comforts him and builds up his self-esteem. She lets him be the man he needs to be in that moment. And that is a far better thing than sex.

Lets be real, sex doesn’t really last that long. It’s usually over in a few minutes. And the good feelings from sex fade fairly quickly. But emotional support goes a long way. Having someone listen to your troubles can help you to deal with those problems in a lasting way. Getting some edification from another human being can get you through the toughest of times. It is a far more intimate and valuable thing than sex.

Time spent with a sex worker can be life changing. But not because of orgasms. It’s the relationship that is created that helps a man. Even if that relationship only lasts for an hour at a time.

Perhaps it is easier for a sex worker to really listen to a man without judgement than it is for a wife. The wife has a vested interest in whatever happens to her husband. The sex worker does not. He is just one of her clients. Maybe it is just a one time meeting. But whatever the circumstances, she has a distance from the real life of her client that a spouse or friend does not.

When I think back about my experiences in CTS, the ladies I remember most fondly are the ones who listened to me. The ones who tried to help me with my thoughts and my emotions. The ones who provided a great measure of emotional support. I remember these things much more than I do the actual sex. I remember the kind words, the hugs, the text messages a week later asking if everything turned out well.

I remember the listeners.