FOSTA (part 4): Desperation

This is a confusing and chaotic time within the world of Consensual Transactional Sex (CTS). But it is starting to become a dangerous and scary time. Stability has been lost. And safety with it. Now people are getting desperate, and desperate people make bad decisions.

Don’t be desperate.

Many stories are making their way to me about people getting into dangerous situations through desperation. This is happening to both the clients and the sex workers. People are getting robbed, assaulted, and raped. Pimps and other sex traffickers are going after women more forcefully. And the creeps are coming out of the woodwork.

Despite what the moralists might think, laws like FOSTA are making things worse within the sex trade, not better. Within the past few weeks nearly every woman I know has been approached by pimps trying to recruit them. Some of these men are going as far as to threaten violence in order to get these women to work for them. Dangerous times are upon us.

Let’s be real. Many of us men in this “hobby” are obsessed with sex. Hiring a sex worker is such a normal part of life that some of us can’t do without it. Perhaps it is akin to an addiction—I don’t know. That is something for a psychologist to determine. But we are often obsessed. And now we have lost many of the resources we used to find safe, quality companionship. And it is causing some guys to get desperate. They are turning to the streets to look for women. And they are finding them. Some guys are getting lucky and finding the women they used to know online. Others are finding some very dangerous situations. They are getting robbed. They are encountering women who are working for violent pimps and gangs that are then taking advantage of this situation to rob these men. And there is still the chance that even the ladies they knew could now be a danger. Because these ladies might be desperate themselves and do dangerous things.

Guys, please don’t be desperate. It may take some self-control, but sex is not worth your life. You need to be safe. I understand. I am there myself. But you have to find ways to connect with women in a safe and sane manner.

It is not just the men who are being hurt. The sex workers probably have it worse. Some may be just as sex obsessed as their clients, but most all of them are dependent on the money that comes from sex work. This is their livelihood. Without clients, there is no rent money, no food money. And now clients have become harder to find. Which is making many ladies desperate.

They are taking on clients that they may not have before. Some of these clients will have ill intent. Some of them are predators. They very well may be men who were “blacklisted” on the websites that are now offline. But that protective wall is now gone. And these predators are on the hunt. Some might even be seeking revenge for being blacklisted in the past. This is dangerous.

Ladies, you need to be careful. Don’t be desperate for money so that you don’t screen properly. You need to be sure that these men are safe. You need to be safe. You need to remain in control. You need to network with other ladies for your own safety and security.

———

I am very afraid of seeing the news and finding myself looking at the picture of a murdered lady that I might know. But this is probably going to happen. Or it’s going to be one of my fellow hobbyists. Things have become much more dangerous. I fear for a rise in diseases. I fear for more attacks, rapes, robberies, and kidnappings.

I know that the moralists will say that our sub-culture needs to go away. That what we do is illegal and immoral. Sure. True. We are sinners. But we are also people. Mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, friends, coworkers, etc. We deserve to be safe. Nobody is perfect. For the vast majority of us, we have no desire to hurt anyone. We just want to have fun. We just want to make some money. We are really no different than anyone else. Except that now we are in more danger than we have been in a long time. And it isn’t our fault.

I don’t expect any laws to change for our benefit any time soon. So we must all be more careful. Now is the time for MORE community. MORE connection to one another. We need to be friends. We need to watch out for one another. We need to be united and safe together.

 

[A big THANK YOU to my friend Sabrina for inspiring this particular blog post.  She is on the front lines of our communities struggles and has been seeing first-hand how bad an impact FOSTA has had on the workers and clients of CTS.  Love you, Beautiful!]

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2 comments

  1. Desperation also has left us vulnerable to stings . Sea full of sharks and they all smell blood . I am sure I am not alone but I can not afford to be arrested and shamed even more than I already have during these very difficult times .
    I get it tho backpage was in away out of control and to be honest I tried to avoid advertising as much as I possibly could . It was my security blanket tho it was always there when I needed it . I have been in this business for longer than I care to admit so I saw the transition from high class working escorts that worked the exclusive web go down because suddenly street workers had access to sites that ultimately lowered prices and created a seedy atmosphere. Please I am not trying to displace anyone by being blunt . Every work atmosphere has its lower and higher positions .
    Ultimately yes screening was available and crimes against a woman had dramatically dropped and since the new law the same crimes rising at a alarming rate .
    Change is inevitable everything in time changes and change was needed . It should have been reformed and regulations placed to get order to what had become out of control .
    The complete demise of all available avenues has not only caused incredible effects . It has also infringed on freedoms of everyone not involved we have now opened a door to censorship . Yes us Sex workers have been hit hard and in our face while others the change will be so slow and gradual that they won’t even know it is happening.
    I keep hearing that the reason for the law is to stop sex trafficking. Did they really consider that the only platform to find these traffickers is now gone . They where on a nice platter for LE ready to be plucked off rightfully so . Now how do we find them ? I have many theories about the reasons behind the high lighted reason for the law .
    I will give a small taste of one of my theories that can be applied in many ways all around the board .
    People in positions of power that have all the money and every desire they want what is left to desire . Remember power positions have personalities of fuck conquer control . When delicacies Are suddenly a open air market and no longer exclusive to the rich and suddenly those powerful people are finding themselves on how to catch a predator or everyday stings … what do the rich and powerful do shut the open air market down . Some may debate that theory and to each its own but it is food for thought . I could on and on but for now I will rest

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  2. Great post, agree these are dangerous times for providers and clients alike. We need some sort of community to keep safe.

    My theory as to why FOSTA is very simple, basically Trumpism has given the christian conservatives from the far right all the power. We now have sexually frustrated men calling all the shots.

    Like

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