To Call or Not To Call

Oh! The agony!
To call or not to call. That is the question.

For many a participant in the world of Consensual Transactional Sex (CTS), it is a difficult decision when it comes time to actually make a call and contact a sex worker. For some it’s easy, but not for me. That is right ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Valleyscott is actually a coward when it comes to making the call.

Here’s the deal. . .

You spend your time looking around online. You see the pictures, you read what others have said about the ladies, maybe you even ask a friend what they think about a woman. But ultimately, you have to “MAN UP” and make the call. And this is where stuff gets real.

This is it. The call (or text). You have to commit. You have to put yourself out there. Strange at it may seem to outsiders, but there is a fear of rejection in our world.

How many times have I started to put that phone number in, only to erase it and put my phone away. And then take it out, type in the number again, but save it this time. And then put my phone away.

Seriously, this is not easy.

When you’re looking, everything about the lady seems good. But when it’s time to call the doubts creep in. Does she really look that good in person? What if I her personality sucks? Maybe I shouldn’t try anyone new today? Will she like me?

SHIT!
I think I’ll just watch porn tonight instead.
But I don’t want to watch porn, I want to actually touch someone tonight.
Oh, what the hell, just call her.
—Dialing—
Nope. Yes. No.
Shit, I just hit SEND. Too late now.

And then the lady picks up and suave Valleyscott reappears. All is well. The date is set.

But, oh the agony of making that call.

 

Honesty time. . .

Not all of us clients are good at this. We often have some serious issues with self-confidence. I’ve been battling the demons of low self-confidence since I was a kid. And despite the fact that I have been playing in the world of CTS for almost 20 years, it really has not changed.

Online I come across as a very confident person. But it is a facade. In fact, that is part of why I am in this little world of CTS. Because I do not do well with ladies in the “real world”. I’ve never been good at asking women out. And my lack of confidence has probably been very unattractive to many women who I tried to talk to. I’ve had a few tell me so. I’m sure more did not, but still felt that way.

In CTS I can hide that insecurity. It happens in private as I agonize over making contact. But once I do, I can be much more confident. I have never been able to translate this into the regular dating scene. Some guys can, but not me.

Overall, I am a more confident person these days, but mostly in the CTS community. Much of that comes from being “the Valleyscott”. This persona is well known and respected enough, that as long as I am him, I have the confidence I lack in the rest of my life. Here I am respected, even valued—at least by some people. People actually introduce themselves to me. Women will seek me out. That kind of thing does not happen for the “real world” me.

But still, I have such a hard time making that first call. So much so, that I probably only call one out of every five ladies that want to call. Pretty pathetic. To call or not to call.

Probably “not”.

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5 comments

  1. Thank you for the insight. I never really thought about it that way. Maybe that explains some of the people that call and do not follow through or don’t show up. It’s a good thing that your fear ends when you make the phone call. As a provider I was surprised the first time that I noticed someone shaking when they showed up. In that moment I felt so much love and compassion for this person and all of my instincts to raise them up and heal them came rushing into my body. I hadn’t considered before that point that it may be hard for someone even just to show up. I felt so proud of them that they had overcome their hurdles and made it to my door. They may not have conquered their fear but were strong enough to put it aside and follow their desire to come to me. So as it turns out it’s not just the pleasure of the exchange itself but the pleasure of alchemizing all of those small closed off feelings and connecting in an intimate and passionate way with another human. Thanks for writing.

    Like

    • Most people think we are all just a bunch of sex-hungry freaks who just get together and “do it”. There is so much more going on in our community. CTS isn’t about sex, it’s about life. It’s about connecting. For many, it is a type of therapy. Thank you for reading and commenting, Miss Aurora. And thank you for being a Giver.

      Like

  2. Question ?
    I know it’s not the place to ask about this.
    But it just crossed my mind. And I could not help but laugh so hard.
    That my jelly donut I was chewing just shot across the room.. lol
    The most funniest, caring & embarrising moment with me..
    While my puppy dog Nala is standing next to you, lookinh staright up ___. (Where)
    With the most concern look on her face.
    Nala : Whaaat are you doing Butt ____??
    What are you doing to my mommas leg!?
    Lol
    I am sure you remember .
    Sabrina luv
    Muah 💋

    Like

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