Surprises in CTS (part 4): We Gather—And It’s Not What You Think

I expect that the average person in our society would imagine a gathering of sex workers and clients would be nothing short of an orgy. Wow, would they ever be disappointed!

Society tends to view us in the Consensual Transactional Sex (CTS) community as being a bunch of sex-crazed reprobates. They think that any get together involving us would be nothing but sexual debauchery. But this is not the case.

The average gathering of people in the CTS community doesn’t look much different than what you see in most bars on a nightly basis. A bunch of people getting together, eating, drinking, laughing, and sharing. It is generally much more tame that what happens in your average nightclub, where things can get down right R-rated!

The truth is, if someone from outside of our community were to see us together in a bar or restaurant they wouldn’t take much notice of us.

Well, maybe that isn’t exactly true. An observant person would spot some differences between us and your average group of people in a bar. They might notice the lack of any barriers based on looks or age. In a nightclub or bar you don’t often see younger ladies favoring older men (or the younger men paying tons of attention to the older ladies). The more “full figured” (I don’t particularly care for that term) women in a bar or club might get little attention from the men, but at one of our gatherings they are equal to any other woman. In fact, equality is probably the most noticeable things about us when we gather. You really don’t see that in other groups.

I am an overweight, middle-aged man with thinning hair. If I go to a bar or nightclub, the ladies there don’t pay much attention to me. If I go to a get together for the CTS community, most every woman there will want to meet me. And so do the men. We all come into the events on a fairly equal footing.

Now, I’m not saying that there are not certain people who get MORE attention than others. We have our celebrities. We have the new ladies that everyone is curious about. Some people just naturally stand out. But nobody really gets ignored. Even the shy people—the wall flowers—get attention. There can be a real sense of equality within a gathering like this. There are some cliques that form over time. That is very natural. Old friends will spend more time talking to each other than to new people. But new people are not excluded. They are welcomed. This marks us as very different from many other groups you might see in public.

Now don’t get me wrong, we do have our parties that are EXACTLY what people think they are. Some gatherings and mixers will have an “after party”, where things can get somewhat explicit. And there are group sex parties and orgies and all of that kind of thing. But those are very different than the average get together. Those are about sex, gatherings and mixers are about community and getting to know people. At a public gathering there is no “business”.

There are many friendships that form. People who I only know online I get to meet in person. I am amazed at the number of friends I have gained from going to events like these. The first one was a total surprise to me. I didn’t know what to expect. Now I really look forward to being able to attend them. Getting to share a meal with friends, to talk about life, to reminisce, to just laugh and joke with one another. Real community. Frankly, it is something that I find lacking in much of “normal” society today.


Hello readers! Sorry for the absence. Life happens. But I am back. I would love to hear from you. Please leave comments and questions, I love reading and responding to them. Please feel free to share links to my blog on your social media accounts and websites. And, as always, thank you for your support. — VS

One comment

  1. I really enjoyed this article. It embodies how I feel around about the gatherings. If you build it they will come…

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