“Retirement”. Now that is a word that has brought up a lot of sarcasm, doubt, and derision in online forums in the past.
It doesn’t seem to matter if it is a sex worker or client, if someone on a CTS (Consensual Transactional Sex) forum mentions their intent to retire, it will invariably be met with comments of “see you in two weeks”, “Sure you are”, and “you’ll be back”. And not without cause. “Retirement” doesn’t seem to be much of a lasting condition within our community
Many sex workers will make their intention to retire public. They want to let the community know that they are leaving to pursue other opportunities. Most ladies are very confident that they will not return. Some might indicate that they may continue to see a select few regular clients. But many intend to cut ties with the community and move on with their lives.
The thing is, a lot of them don’t succeed.
Now let me be clear, I do not look down on those who “retire” and then return quickly. Some people in the CTS community can be rather harsh with ladies when this happens. It usually means that whatever plans they had didn’t work out, and they are forced to return to the one profession where they know they can survive.
I understand this, considering how often my own plans in life have gone awry. It can happen to anyone. We’ve all experienced it. You find the right job, which turns out to be horrible. Or you get sick. Or your child gets sick. Or any other of a hundred problems which completely screw up your plans. Seriously, do cars ever break down at a good time?
Unfortunately, most ladies do not have the needed resources to actually get out of this world, unless someone else helps them. That is not an insult, just a reality. A few ladies do manage it. Usually they are ladies with highly developed business skills and good planning. They often spend years creating another business and only leave the CTS world when that business is able to fully support them. Others manage to go to school and learn a new profession. They can transition out once the new job starts paying.
But for many ladies, this is much harder to do. They try, but they come back.
And it isn’t any better among the clients. We men try to leave all the time. We decide we’ve spent too much money, or that we need to repair our marriages, or we meet someone new that we want to be faithful too. And so we tell our community that we are leaving.
And two months later we are back at it. Truth is, we are addicts. Maybe we’re addicted to sex. Maybe it’s the thrill of the hunt. Maybe we are just addicted to bad behavior. Or maybe we are just stupid. Or all of it. But whatever it is, we have a hard time staying away.
I know a few guys who decided to use the closures of so many websites after FOSTA passed as a means to escape from being hobbyists. With the websites they used shut down, they felt they could walk away. And some have. But many have returned. They’ve tried to stay away, but the allure of this crazy little world draws them back in.
I sometimes wonder if there is any hope for us men. I think it is easier for the ladies to move on than it is for us guys.
Personally, I am at a bit of a crossroads in my hobbying. I love to play with the ladies. I love them. But now I have this blog. And I feel that this endeavor is important. And that brings up some seriously difficult questions for me.
On the one hand, being an active client means that I have the “insider’s perspective” on the CTS world. But it also means that I am fundamentally biased. Which means that my blog is biased.
As a result, my blog is BOTH credible and not credible. I have perspective and bias. This issue could be important as I attempt to grow this blog and it’s influence beyond our community.
So this brings me to the question of whether or not I should retire from being a hobbyist. Part of me says I should, part of me says no. And, realistically, am I even able to? Could I stop?
I honestly don’t think so. But I could slow down. I could.
To anyone who is trying to leave this life, don’t try it alone. Find some help. There are organizations out there that are willing to help you. If you really want to change, there is no shame in that. Just remember to be kind to us who are still here.
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