Hello VSB readers. I received the following e-mail a couple of weeks ago. It is an interesting read, and a cautionary tale. The author wished to remain anonymous for his own safety.
Your blog has been an interesting thing for me to read. I became a hobbyist about 12 years ago and was fairly active. I was on RB and NS. I was not well known, but I wasn’t a lurker either. Just a fairly average hobbyist who would occasionally chime in with a post or a review. But I held a secret. One that eventually caused me a great deal of pain.
I’ve never shared my secret before. Never felt comfortable doing so. It shames me, to say the least. And I knew that if I shared it on the old sites I might find myself blacklisted. I know people will think I am a coward for sharing it anonymously, but I can’t think of a way not to without getting hurt again. I admire the honesty of your blog and the fact that you give people a chance to be honest. So here goes:
I have a problem with being obsessed about certain ladies. I see many women, but sometimes I get obsessed with one for a while. That probably doesn’t sound like it’s all that strange. Lots of guys get obsessed. I think you are obsessed with Sabrina. But probably not the way I get. When people find out, they call it stalking, not obsession.
The first time it happened was not long after I started. She was a sweet young lady. Maybe the fifth provider I had seen at that point. There was just something about her that I found irresistible. I started seeing her once a week. Then twice a week. Then three times a week. They were all really good sessions, and she was very appreciative of having such a regular client. But three times a week just didn’t feel like enough. Unfortunately it was all I could afford. Especially since I would also buy her a couple of meals a week, at least one gift every week, and even paid her electric bill once. But it wasn’t enough.
I started hanging around places I knew she would be. At first it was no big deal. Lots of people go to the mall, so seeing someone you know there is just a coincidence. But I would also sit in the parking lot at the Starbucks near her place. I would watch her at her hairdresser. I would even park near her apartment and watch her come and go. I was completely obsessed. And I admit it, I was stalking her.
She never knew. Not really. Not the full extent of it. At first when she would see me somewhere it was funny, like a game. She even joked about it during our sessions. Later she became a little annoyed by it, so I took more precautions so she wouldn’t notice me. This went on for about nine months. The only reason it ended was because she decided to move to Los Angeles. I couldn’t stalk her from that kind of distance (I won’t say how far, but it is L.A. Is far from where I live).
So I moved on. After a while I found another lady I felt that sort of connection with. And my obsession would begin again. Five times this has happened. With three ladies it ended when they moved. One of them moved because of it. Another obsession ended when I had to move for work. But the other one ended much worse for me.
It was the forth lady that I stalked that ended badly. It ended badly because I am a fool. She caught on to my obsession earlier than the others. The two or three times a week sessions were cool, but the first time she spotted me at a store near her place she called me out on it. Texted me that she had seen me and that it better have been just a coincidence. I lied and assured her it was. But it didn’t take long for her to catch me again. She cut me off from sessions for a few weeks to try to teach me a lesson. It didn’t take.
After a three weeks of seeing her again, despite the fact that the sessions had lost much of their passion, I was fully engaged in my stalking routine. Then one night outside her place I was pulled from my car by three men. Friends of hers. They gave me quite a beating. In the end I spent the rest of the night in the Emergency Room. I didn’t go back.
But the lesson really wasn’t learned. A few months later I found a new girl to obsess over. It didn’t last long because she ended up moving away. But this time I did try to follow. I flew to her new city. Told her I was there on business. She could only see me once because she was busy. But that didn’t stop me from hanging out near her place or following her to her regular job. I spent three days stalking her. A couple of weeks later I went back. She wasn’t taking any clients that weekend, but I followed her around for three days without her noticing.
Honestly, I think I was lucky when two weeks later her phone number stopped working. She had also disappeared off of the websites she used. I guess she got out of the business. I never saw her again.
So why confess? Because I have a problem. A really bad one. It has cost me a ton of money. It cost me my marriage—not that it was a good marriage, but I didn’t help it by being a hobbyist who spent hours every day stalking providers. And it has cost me my dignity. I am in therapy now. I only recently told my psychiatrist about all of this. He says it is a worse problem than I am even aware of. Honestly, I think he’s right. How far would I have taken this? I really don’t know.
I am scared to say who I am. But I feel that I needed to admit this. And this seemed like the right place to do it.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Maybe it will help me. Maybe it will help someone else. I’ll understand if people have harsh things to say about me when they read this. I deserve it. But maybe it will all help some other poor fool from going down the same road I have.
This is a serious problem. Stalking like this is completely unacceptable.
I am glad that “A.S.” is getting some professional help, but this obviously went on far too long. This is an unhealthy behavior pattern. I cannot condone the violence that was committed against this man, but I am not surprised. But this is what can happen. Unhealthy behavior can easily put you into dangerous situations.
I really want to caution the men out there. Remember that this is fantasy, not reality. While the occasional true romantic relationship might happen, the reality is that you are paying for a set amount of time, after which you and the ladies are, in effect, strangers. Enjoy your time of play, and then go about the rest of your life.
If you feel you are becoming obsessed with a woman or women, please step back and take a break. Get help. Do not allow yourself to go down the road that this man did.
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