Cancellation Etiquette

Nobody gets into Consensual Transactional Sex so that they can sit at home not having sex. Not clients. Not sex workers. If people are sitting home alone there is no “consenting” going on, no “transactions”, and sure as hell no “sex” (except the solo kind, and sex is just more fun if it involves more than one person!).

But things happen. And sometimes you have to cancel a session.

And it goes both directions. I’ve had to cancel many appointments in my 19 years of playing. And I’ve been cancelled on more times than I can remember. It’s usually a very frustrating thing. Unfortunately it can be necessary. But it doesn’t have to be the cause of bad feelings between workers and clients—if it is done right.

For both sex workers and clients there is an etiquette that should be followed when canceling. I don’t want to call these “rules”, but they are good policy for people to follow.

When you know, you call.
Once you find out that you are not going to be able to keep an appointment, notify the other person. Doesn’t matter if you are a client or a worker. Same rule applies. The earlier you cancel, the better. Regardless of the circumstances. Not only is this the most polite thing to do, it can also help people from wasting money sometimes.

Don’t lie.
Honesty is the best policy. You don’t have to give the other party all the information on why you are cancelling. You can certainly maintain your privacy. But don’t lie.
Don’t tell the other person you can’t do the appointment because you have to leave town when it is something else. You might get spotted.
Maybe you don’t want to tell a client that you are cancelling them because a more established client decided they wanted an overnighter. But don’t lie. Just say that you cannot do the scheduled appointment at this time due to a schedule change. The rest of the info is your business, but you didn’t lie.
Same for the clients. Don’t lie. If you get caught in a lie you can create bad karma between yourself and the worker. And the ladies do talk to each other. Don’t get yourself a reputation as a liar.

Reschedule instead of cancelling.
If it all possible, don’t cancel—reschedule for another day. This is the best thing to do if you can. It is good for business, it’s good for reputations, and it helps build a good relationship. It demonstrates that you value the other person, but you just can’t see them as planned. And this goes both ways. Clients may not like being rescheduled, but it is far better than a no-show. And when clients reschedule, at least the provider knows she still has a client, just at a later date. It may not make everyone happy, but it should keep any reasonable person from getting angry.

If it has to be last minute, don’t be an ass about it.
Seriously, don’t be an asshole or a bitch. Be polite. Be apologetic. Be kind. Nobody likes last minute cancellations, but sometimes shit just happens. Whether you are cancelling and being cancelled on, be cool about it. I’ve seen people who are ready to start a war over a cancellation. That’s not cool. Don’t go putting someone “on blast” online over a cancellation. Respect, even under crappy circumstances, should be your standard approach.

None of this is complicated. It’s all common sense. And yet, I see stories daily of people who just cannot seem to do these simple things. Don’t be one of those people.

Now some people might suggest that clients who cancel last minute should offer to pay for at least part of the scheduled session. Not everyone agrees on this. I will say that it can be a classy move, if feasible. Or if it can’t be done at the time due to circumstances, then give a tip or bonus on a subsequent visit.

It might also be suggested that when a sex worker has to cancel without a lot of notice that they should offer a discounted rate on a future visit. This is also a good policy, though I hesitate to suggest it as a standard.

These kinds of things are up to the individual. But the basic and simple etiquette that I mentioned up top are things that should be followed by all. They are simple ways to handle your behavior. Following them can make things so much better in the long run. Not following them just tends to lead to conflict and a lot of unnecessary drama.

So call, be honest, reschedule, and don’t be an ass. Pretty simple.

Now go have some fun.
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3 comments

  1. Cancellations happen. But, deposits & cancellation fees cushion the blow. I don’t believe that providers have to accept NCNS or clients blowing them off last minute, without recourse. We can choose to insulate ourselves from the inconvenience. Plenty of businesses/service providers require deposits to reserve an appt and/or charge a cancellation fee if you cancel without proper notice. I see this line of work no differently in that regard. Wasting a business person’s time is shameful; making them lose out on money because your plans changed is a personal
    problem, and you should have to pay if you do it.

    • The topic of deposits and and cancellation fees is one I am seeing discussed more frequently lately. Keep your eyes out for a post here on THe ValleyScott Blog dedicated to this subject soon.

  2. I wish everyone would read this both hobbiest and providers because i wish everyone would use this i have been told so many storys by guys and feel for them but i have also had this happen way more times then i can count and at most would just like to be told hey cant make it so im not just sitting around waiting for somebody thats never going to show.. best thing i read all day..

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