This will be the first in a series on CTS issues involving race. I want to start by saying that I find racism abhorrent. I can’t stand it. I do not think that racism belongs in society or within our community. But I acknowledge that it is here and we have to deal with it as and when we can. Talking about race can be a huge minefield, but it does need addressing. I received a number of requests to write about some topics involving race, something I have avoided doing due to the potentially volatile nature of such discussions.
Now onto todays topic. . .
There is a question as to whether or not it is wrong for clients to choose what sex workers they wish to see based on race. The concept that some clients won’t see any providers of a certain race is considered by many to be a form of racism. Is it?
Of course it is.
Of course it isn’t.
[I can see you, rolling your eyes at me! Be patient.]
If a client decides that they are never going to see any sex workers who are Asian because they think Asian people are terrible and dirty and disgusting. . . That guy is a racist. That is just plain wrong. It is judging every person just based on incorrect preconceived bullshit. It is just plain wrong, and I personally wish that such people were not a part of our community. It is stupid.
If a client doesn’t see any providers who are Asian because he has not come across an Asian provider that he finds attractive. . . That is attraction, not racism. Every client picks and chooses which sex workers they want to say based on certain personal criteria. Looks, expense, and services are—generally—the primary ones. If a provider does not meet a clients criteria, he isn’t going to see her. That isn’t racism. That’s just a part of the business of CTS.
I’m sure some people are already disagreeing, but give me a chance to explain.
I do not understand attraction. And neither do you. Not really.
We understand why we, as individuals, are attracted to certain aspects of other people. But full attraction is really a mystery.
Here is an example:
You can take three women with the same basic physical attributes. Same height, weight, proportions, hair color, eye color, skin tone, physical condition, etc. Line them up. And then have some men take a look. The men will not agree on which one is the most attractive. They just won’t. Especially without any debate. They may be able to articulate some small details about each lady as to why they find one more attractive than the others. But they also might not be able to do so. They may just find one more appealing.
Line up 100 “beautiful” women of all races. Then bring in 100 men. Ask the men to pick out the most attractive woman. You will not get a consensus. Attraction is a crazy thing.
On a personal level, I cannot explain my own attractions. Recently I was in a discussion regarding facial characteristics and shape, in regards to which is more attractive. I like high cheekbones, large eyes, a well defined jaw-line. Another gentleman preferred rounder, softer-featured faces. This is how attraction works. We all have preferences.
In general terms I like women of all races. But I have certain preferences. I find women of East-African ancestry (Ethiopia, Somalia, Eritrea, etc.) more attractive than women from West Africa. Why? I’ll be damned if I know. I just do. That isn’t racism. It is just attraction. Subtle differences if features can make a huge difference. Why do I find Vietnamese and Cambodian women more attractive than Japanese women? Beats me, but I generally do.
This is attraction. It doesn’t always make sense. But it isn’t racism.
If clients are making their choices based on physical attraction, it really cannot be called racism. I know some might not agree, but this is truth.
But if clients are rejecting women based solely on a listed race, without taking a look at them—that is racism. To declare “I will not see any African American providers” is a racist statement. Period. To not see any African American providers because a client just hasn’t found one they find attractive is just attraction.
Honestly, it has been a while since I have seen a sex worker who is Asian or African American. Why? Haven’t had the chance to see any of the ladies of that race that I find attractive (and meet my other personal criteria). It is just a matter of attraction and circumstances. Zi’m a bit picky about who I see. Those are my choices. But it has nothing to do with racism.
There are racist clients out there. It sucks. And frankly, those guys are stupid. They are missing out on some great ladies due to their racism. But most guys are just choosing providers based on attraction and other criteria. We should be VERY slow to attach a label of racism onto client preferences. It is a dangerous and destructive label when applied to the wrong person.
Racism does not belong in our community, but it is here. I don’t know what we can do to get rid of it. Probably nothing. But we should also not go around calling things racism that are not.
Please feel free to comment on this post. But please be respectful in doing so. Thank you.
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