Okay, time for some real honesty.
Sometimes, the sex is just bad.
I’m not talking about there being any problems. Nobody is doing anything wrong. Everything is working just fine, biologically speaking. It’s just not good.
It happens to everyone. If anyone says that it never, ever happens to them, they are either the best lovers in the world, or they are lying. Chances are it’s the latter.
This isn’t something to be ashamed about. Especially within our community. Overall, the CTS community is one of the most sexually honest groups of people there is. SO we can be honest about this as well.
Fact is, sometimes things just don’t work out.
One of the most likely reasons is that the participants are just not into each other. Attraction matters in sex, even if people want to pretend it doesn’t. It may come in many different forms, but without some kind of attraction, there is a fairly good chance that the sex won’t be that good. It might be good for one participant, but not for the other(s).
Mutual attraction helps people to form some level of connection with one another. This helps to create the atmosphere for good sex. Without mutual attraction (of some kind), you can have an unbalanced situation.
I’m going to be honest, I can’t have sex with a woman that I do not find physically attractive. That probably doesn’t seem like a very monumental statement, but there are men in this world who will have sex with any woman who spreads her legs for him. Not me.
I have certain things I look for. And when a woman turns out not to have those things, to not meet my physical desires, I have a difficult time staying erect. Or even getting erect to begin with. I’m a picky hobbyist. I won’t deny it.
I want a woman to look a certain way, feel a certain way, smell a certain way, and taste a certain way. If she doesn’t, I’m not happy. Bad sex (or no sex) is what is going to happen.
Beyond attraction, there are some other causes of bad sex:
Health can be a big factor. Especially heart health. This is very true for men, but also for women. If the your heart isn’t pumping right, you are going to run into trouble. Maybe some really bad trouble.
Impotence, shortness of breath, fatigue, and pain can all be a result of poor heart health. If you want to play, go see your doctor and make sure you are healthy enough for sex. If you aren’t, fix that first. Then get busy with the ladies.
This is a biggie. Nothing makes a session bad faster than bad hygiene. And this goes for both men and women.
Dudes—get clean before you go for a date. If you can’t make sure you can shower at her place before you play. Sometimes you have to go straight to a session from work. Clean up before you try to play. She isn’t going to want that session to last long if you stink.
And ladies, your hygiene should be impeccable.
Especially when it comes to your vagina. I hate to be crude, but nothing ruins a session faster for me that a pussy that smells like old tuna fish. Yes, I know that sounds rude and gross. Because it is. I’ve come across this on more than one occasion. It is disgusting to me. I understand that there are a bunch of factors that can affect the smell and taste of a woman down there. But some of those are completely under your control, and the others can be dealt with in some fashion or other. If you’re not sure why you smell, go consult your doctor. I’m not trying to be mean, but stinky pussy is a bad pussy. And that leads to bad sex.
Want to ruin sex in a hurry? Interrupt it.
Cell phones ringing or beeping with notifications, doors being knocked on, visitors, stopping to go to the bathroom. All of these things have interrupted sex for me. And it just makes things bad. This mainly goes down to the responsibility of the host. Make sure you won’t be interrupted. “Do not disturb!”
Cell phones—turn them off or silence them. That goes for everyone.
This is a big one. Check your ego at the door. Don’t assume you know everything there is to know about providing sexual pleasure to a partner. Every person is different, so set aside your pride and ASK your partner what they like. Talk to your partner and make sure they are doing what you like. Communication helps to make sex better, but ego and pride get in the way of that communication.
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There are plenty of other things that can make sex bad, but those ones are pretty major, and fairly common in the world of CTS. Feel free to leave a comment with other things that you think ruin sex.