The reference system is one of the most important aspects of the business side of Consensual Transactional Sex. It is good for Sex Workers and clients alike. It’s usefulness as a security and safety tool cannot be overstated. References are important. So it is amazing to me to see how often this is a stumbling block for people—especially clients—when it comes to making an appointment.
Screening is a vital aspect of safety and security for Sex Workers. They screen because they don’t want to get hurt, raped, arrested, robbed, or murdered. I find that to be entirely reasonable. One of the key components of screening for most Workers are references.
For those who do not understand what a reference is, let me make this simple. A “reference” is a Sex Worker that you have had a session with, who will remember you, and who will state that you are safe to session with. That is all. No one can be a reference for you who isn’t a Sex Worker (so please don’t ask your buddies to be a reference). It is also necessary that you have been their client—so don’t try to use a lady that you met at a social function as a reference, because that doesn’t count. And a reference has to be able to remember you, so you’ll generally need to have someone that you have recently (or repeatedly) seen.
Oh, they also have to be willing to be a reference. If you were an asshole to a lady, don’t try and use her as a reference, she is not going to vouch for you.
Why Use References?
References keep Sex Workers safe. It is really is that simple.
References are not about judging a clients sexual prowess. While I’m sure that some ladies may discuss whether a man is a good lover or not, I do know that it is not a primary point of conversation. Safety is. The question that is being asked is if you are a safe client. That s the most important thing.
During a reference check a provider might inquire about your hygiene, appearance, or sexual appetites. But she is probably more interested in your attitude. Safety is the number one consideration, but whether or not your are rude, shy, vulgar, nervous, etc. are also things she may be interested in. Punctuality is also something that can come up in a reference check.
These factors can be important to a Sex Worker in deciding whether or not to take you on as a client. The busier a provider is, the more likely she is to ask about more than just safety. If she can pick and choose among those interested in her to find the best clients, she is going to do so. That is just a good business practice.
But safety is the single most important factor. Are you a real client? Are you potentially violent? Is she going to be safe with you? Are the kind the guy who might become a stalker? These are why references are important.
Who To Use?
The best references are Sex Workers who actually like you, have seen you multiple times, seen you recently, are known within the Sex Worker community, and are in the same general geographical area as the provider you want to see. Oh, they also need to be “reference friendly”; meaning they will actually respond to a request for a reference check. That is ideal.
It is best if you references who will immediately know who you are when another provider asks about you. This is best for everybody involved. It makes things easier and faster. This is why you can’t really use that escort you saw 2 years ago as a reference. She is not likely to remember you. Even if you left her a review on a website that still exists. References generally need to be ladies yo have seen in the past six months or so.
Providers that you have reviewed recently can be good choices as references, since the reviews can provide a sort of validation to the reference. But time is important. Old reviews are not that helpful if you have not recently seen her. Someone you have seen multiple times is often the best sort of reference.
It is good to use references that are the same “type” of Sex Worker as who you are hoping to see. Escorts, FBSM providers, DBSM mistresses. They all can be valid references, but some are more pertinent to what you are looking for now than others. If you are trying to see an FBSM provider, use other FBSM ladies as references if you have them. t isn’t that an escort can’t say you are safe, it is simply a matter of knowing that you are safe for an FBSM session. Same goes for other areas. I have a mix of providers as references. That can be a very valuable.
How Many References?
You should submit multiple references when asked. If you are asked to submit three, do it. If asked for five, do it.
I occasionally see listings that ask for upwards of five references. I think this is a bit much, though I am guessing that some ladies request that many due to low response rates. If three out of five respond, and they are all positive, it probably won’t matter if the other two do not reply. The most I have ever submitted was four references. It started with three, and then I was asked for another due to a rather rude response from one that I provided (rude towards the Sex Worker I was trying to see, not towards me). But generally I have been asked for two references. Two or three is generally going to be enough.
But I do recommend having more references ready to go than just three. As I stated above, it is good to tailor your references to the type of services that you are looking for. When I want to see an escort, I will use one set of references. I have a completely different set for when I’m trying to book an FBSM session. This kind of flexibility makes the process much easier.
Having “extra” references also helps you out if your first submissions do not respond.
So what if you do not have any references? This is tough. You have to find providers that do not require them. “Newbie Friendly” providers do exist. And many of them are more than willing to become references for you. This is who you need to see.
Never. NEVER, try to talk your way around giving references. Just don’t try. It is rude. It makes you look bad. It makes you look desperate. And worst of all, it makes you look dangerous. So don’t try it. If you don’t have references and a provider requires them, move on. Find someone who is newbie friendly or doesn’t require references. And then build your reference list. Do not try and cheat this system.
Do not ever lie about references. Don’t ever give the name of a provider you have not seen in hopes that it won’t be checked out. You will get caught. And you will get black-listed. Do not try to fake your references.