“Scott I’ve got a question for you: I have a budget set for $$ and if the provider charges less than that I give them the full $$. If I spend more than that I feel that I have a problem and would have a lot of explaining to the S.O. for draining the bank acct. Which leads me to my predicament.
I have this chick hitting my inbox that I’ve seen since RB wanting to get together. My problem is she went from $140 to $600 and is now out of my league. What should I do or tell her?” — Anonymous IG follower
This is an interesting situation, and brings up more than one issue. [Hold on folks, this is going to be a long one!]
The short answer to your question is to just be honest about the situation. A $460 rate increase is no small thing and she should be able to accept the barrier that it creates. A simple, but polite message explaining to her that her current rate is outside of your budget–but also thanking her for reaching out–is all you really need to do.
But your dilemma, as it is, brings up a very serious issue within Transactional Sex today: Clients being “priced out” of the game.
Rates have gone up in recent years. That is just a fact of life. Call it an effect of inflation. Most everything has gotten more expensive and–as the news often reports–incomes have generally not kept pace with the increases in the costs of products and services. This is true in the regular marketplace and in the sex marketplace.
But an increase from $140 to $600 an hour is more than just market inflation. That is a 233% increase. That is a lot. The old rate you mention is well within a common range for those days, perhaps on the lower (more client friendly) part of the range. So an increase between then and now would be fully reasonable. If it was to $250, maybe even $300. But not $600. That is a different price range.
She obviously is marketing herself at a higher level than she did in the past. And it could be entirely reasonable that she has changed the price range that she is working in. I have to assume that she has made some changes to her services, hosting style, or other such thing as to warrant moving up the ranges like that.
But that brings us back to her contacting you. She is looking for your business, despite the fact that she is no longer in the price range that she was when you previously knew each other. She may not know it, but she has out priced your budget, and likely the budgets of most of her past clients.
This is a problem that has been ongoing for the past couple of years. Many Sex Workers are continually increasing their rates, and doing so at pace that their existing clients cannot necessarily match. While some are willing to “grandfather in” past clients at existing rates, this is often only for a short time. But eventually they end up pricing out many of their clients, including regular clients.
I know that I have personally been priced out by a number of ladies that I have seen in the past. They have moved beyond my humble budget. And I admit that this has been frustrating.
Sex Workers have the right to charge whatever they want. It’s their right. They set the prices. But there is also the reality of any business market that there is a point at which the consumer will eventually reach a price barrier. A place where the consumer just says “NO”, and won’t accept the higher rates.
When that point is reached, the Sex Workers will either have to reconsider their rates or risk losing so many clients that they cannot reach their financial goals or needs. This would be called a “market adjustment”. Are we coming to such a market adjustment? I don’t know. What I do know is that there are a lot of clients who are vocally expressing the realities they face in not being able to afford the higher rates we are seeing these days.
Many Sex Workers these days take offense when potential clients express an opinion that rates are too high. They feel that they are being isolated by “cheap” men. And in some cases they are. But in many cases, it is not about the men being “cheap”, it’s about the financial reality of a clients budget. There has to be some sort of balance between rates and budgets, or there just will be fewer and fewer sessions booked.
Advice to Clients
Guys (and lady clients), you are going to face similar situations to what those that our friend about is facing. Ladies that you might like to see, but they have priced you out. It’s a reality. How you deal with it is up to you.
Don’t be rude about it. And don’t try to bargain the ladies down–most Sex Workers find that highly offensive. But you can be honest. If you are communicating with a Worker and they quote you a rate that is out of your budget, just be politely honest and say “sorry, but that is outside of my current budget.” And then move on.
Don’t insult Sex Workers or call them names or blast them online for their rates. Show a little grace, even if you are very frustrated. If you are respectful, then you might get lucky down the road if she should reconsider her rates. If you’re rude, she won’t see you in the future no matter what her rates are.
Advice to Sex Workers
For you professionals, I also advise you not to get angry when potential clients say that your rates are too high. Most of the time it’s not an insult, just a fiscal reality.
But I also want to take this chance to advise you to take a look at your rates. What you charge is your business, but it is YOUR BUSINESS. I have witnessed many, many ladies talking online about what they are “worth”. You need to take a real look at that. In this industry it can be easy to confuse self-worth with business-worth.
Every single one of you should work hard to have a high self-worth. That is critically important to your well being. Self-worth is connected to self-esteem. The most successful Sex Workers have very high self-esteem and self-worth. This helps give them the ability to navigate the many hardships of this profession.
But your business-worth–the value of your service–may not be the same. I know this may not be something that many Sex Workers want to hear, especially from a hobbyist, but it is a reality that quite a few Sex Workers are charging more than what their business is truly worth. [Please don’t hate me for stating that.] The proof of this is often found in how many Sex Workers are struggling financially. While there are many reasons for you ladies to struggle, your business model is likely a major factor.
All I am really trying to say is that you need to separate your emotions from your finances. You need to be dispassionate when analyzing your actual business. This is true for anyone who runs a business. It doesn’t matter if you are an accountant or a Sex Worker, you need to look at the tangible value of your services separately from your self-worth and self-identity.
A Lot To Take In
I know this post has a lot to take in. Some people are likely very upset by some of the things I’ve written here. Many of you might think I’ve gone far beyond answering the original question.
I have. Because that question brought up a very serious issue that WILL impact out community going forward. These are things that need to be discussed.
I invite any of you with an opinion to comment on this post. If you comment, please do not do so in any nasty or disrespectful manner. Let’s have an honest, but respectful discussion of these issues.